A Letter to Every Woman Who Has Ever Felt Like She Lost Herself

I was 39 years old when menopause arrived — not gradually, not gently, but all at once. A cancer diagnosis. Chemotherapy. Hormone therapy. A total hysterectomy. And just like that, overnight, my body stepped into a chapter I hadn't planned for and wasn't ready to face.

No slow fade of cycles. No easing into it. One day I was one version of myself, and the next I was learning to meet an entirely new one.

Now I am turning 50 — and I wear that number like a badge of honor. Because I know what it cost to get here. My sister is 47 and just beginning to feel the first tremors of this transition. My closest girlfriends are right there with her — the mood swings that arrive without warning, the hot flashes that wake them at 3am, the quiet grief of watching the body they knew begin to change. The whispered question that no one wants to say too loudly: Am I still me?

Yes. You are still you. You are more you than you have ever been.

 

I have spent years in the ocean — as a stunt performer, as a dive instructor, as someone who has always found her center in water. And what the ocean taught me is this: the most powerful moments are the ones in between. The pause between waves. The depth beneath the surface. Menopause is not an ending. It is that sacred pause — and what rises afterward is extraordinary.

As someone who has poured her heart into creating ocean-inspired jewelry for over a decade, I have always believed that the stones we wear carry something beyond beauty. They carry intention. They carry memory. They carry us. So today, I want to share the gemstones that have become my companions through this journey — and might become yours too.

What Your Body Is Really Doing

Whether menopause arrives naturally in your late 40s or early 50s, or — like mine — comes suddenly as the result of surgery or treatment, the experience is the same at its core: your body is shifting its hormonal landscape. Estrogen and progesterone levels fall. The ovaries, which have orchestrated your cycle for decades, step back from center stage.

The symptoms this triggers are real and they are wide-ranging — hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, mood swings, brain fog, weight shifts, changes in skin and hair, decreased libido, anxiety, and a grief that is hard to name but very easy to feel. The loss of the woman you recognized in the mirror. The feeling that your own body has become a stranger.

What crystals and gemstones offer is not a medical cure — I want to be honest about that. They work alongside your healthcare plan, not instead of it. What they do offer is something equally powerful: intention, ritual, beauty, and the quiet grounding that comes from holding something ancient and real in your hand when the world feels like it is spinning.

Think of them as your sacred support team. Each stone below has been chosen for what it has been traditionally associated with — and for what I personally have felt in wearing and working with them.

Your Gemstone Guide to Menopause

Each stone listed below is paired with the symptoms it traditionally supports. Trust your intuition — you will be drawn to the ones you need most.

 

🌙 Moonstone  |  The Queen of the Transition

If there is one stone that belongs to every woman navigating menopause, it is Moonstone. Shimmering, ethereal, and deeply connected to the cycles of the moon and the feminine body, Moonstone has been used for centuries to support hormonal balance and emotional steadiness.

Best for: Hot flashes, mood swings, hormonal fluctuations, emotional overwhelm, and feeling disconnected from your femininity.

Moonstone works gently on the sacral chakra — the energy center associated with the reproductive system and emotions. It is said to soothe the body's temperature regulation and to soften the emotional peaks and valleys that come with shifting hormones. For women like my sister, who feel they are losing their "femme fatale" — that magnetic sense of womanhood — Moonstone is a beautiful reminder that the feminine does not fade. It deepens.

Wear it as a pendant close to your heart, or place it on your nightstand to encourage restful sleep and hormonal calm.

 

💜 Amethyst  |  The Calmer of Storms

Amethyst is one of the most beloved crystals in the world — and for good reason. Its deep purple beauty is matched only by its reputation as a natural tranquilizer. For women experiencing the anxiety, irritability, and insomnia that so often accompany menopause, Amethyst is a steadfast ally.

Best for: Insomnia, anxiety, mood swings, irritability, stress, and brain fog.

Amethyst is associated with the crown and third eye chakras, supporting mental clarity, emotional balance, and a deep sense of peace. Many women in my circle keep a piece of Amethyst under their pillow — not as a magic cure for the 3am wake-ups, but as a physical anchor for the intention of rest. There is something powerful in that ritual.

Place under your pillow for sleep, or wear as a bracelet when anxiety runs high.

 

🟠 Carnelian  |  The Spark Keeper

One of the most heartbreaking parts of menopause that my girlfriends describe is the loss of energy — that vital, creative, sensual spark that used to come so naturally. Carnelian is the stone of that spark.

Best for: Fatigue, low libido, depression, loss of motivation, and disconnection from sensuality.

Warm, orange-red, and deeply connected to the sacral chakra, Carnelian is associated with vitality, creativity, and the reproductive system. It is said to send healing energy to the very organs that are changing, and to reignite the creative and sensual fire within. For any woman who feels she has lost her spark — Carnelian is a beautiful place to begin reclaiming it.

Wear Carnelian against your skin during the day, especially when you need energy and confidence.

 

🌟 Citrine  |  The Hot Flash Fighter

Bright, sunny Citrine is the stone of joy, energy, and light — and it has a specific reputation in the crystal world for helping with hot flashes. Its solar energy is said to balance temperature regulation and to bring the body back into its natural equilibrium.

Best for: Hot flashes, fatigue, weight-related depression, digestive changes, and low mood.

Citrine works with the solar plexus chakra — the seat of personal power and confidence. At a time when so many women feel diminished, Citrine is a sunny reminder of the power that lives within you. It is also associated with aiding digestion, which can be helpful as the body's metabolism shifts during this transition.

Keep Citrine in your pocket or bra. Let that warmth remind you of your own radiance.

 

🌸 Rose Quartz  |  The Medicine of Self-Love

Of all the emotional challenges menopause can bring, the one that cuts most deeply is the loss of love for your own body. The weight shifts. The skin changes. The reflection in the mirror becomes unfamiliar. Rose Quartz is the answer to that grief.

Best for: Body image struggles, emotional wounds, sadness, lack of self-compassion, and feeling unlovable.

Known universally as the stone of unconditional love, Rose Quartz works on the heart chakra — softening the voice of self-criticism and replacing it with something gentler. It is for every woman who has ever stood in front of a mirror and felt disappointed. It is the reminder that your body carried you through everything — illness, surgery, loss, joy, children, oceans, decades — and it deserves your tenderness.

Hold Rose Quartz during meditation. Place it over your heart. Let it do its quiet work.

 

❤️ Garnet  |  The Anchor of Strength

Garnet is the stone I think of when I remember the hardest years of my cancer treatment. Deep red, grounding, and fiercely alive — Garnet is associated with resilience, vitality, and the will to move forward even when everything feels like it is falling apart.

Best for: Fatigue, loss of vitality, depression, feeling ungrounded, and rebuilding strength after medical treatments or sudden menopause.

Garnet is particularly meaningful for women who entered menopause abruptly — through surgery, chemotherapy, or other medical interventions. It works on the root chakra, providing the deep grounding and sense of safety that helps you rebuild from the ground up. It is not a soft stone. It is a warrior stone. And sometimes, that is exactly what we need.

Garnet also has a long association with circulation and physical vitality — particularly relevant when the body is recalibrating its hormonal and cardiovascular rhythms.

Wear Garnet close to the body. Let it remind you that survival is not just enough — it is magnificent.

 

💙 Lapis Lazuli  |  The Voice of Wisdom

Lapis Lazuli is one of the oldest sacred stones in human history — worn by queens, priests, and healers for thousands of years. And there is a reason women in midlife are drawn to it. Menopause is not just a hormonal shift. It is a wisdom transition.

Best for: Insomnia, brain fog, difficulty communicating feelings, loss of sense of self, and the longing to step into a deeper version of who you are.

Associated with the throat and third eye chakras, Lapis Lazuli supports clear communication, mental clarity, and the activation of your inner knowing. At a time when many women feel invisible or unheard — in their bodies, in their relationships, in the world — Lapis is the stone that says: you have never been more worth listening to.

It is also known to support restful sleep and to quiet the mental chatter that keeps so many menopausal women awake at night.

Wear Lapis as a necklace near the throat. Sleep with it nearby. Let your wisdom speak.

 

🌺 Rhodonite  |  The Healer of Loss

Rhodonite is a stone I have come to love deeply — rose pink and black, beauty born from contrast. It is the stone for emotional wounds that have not yet been spoken aloud. For the grief of what was. For the mourning of youth, of fertility, of a body that felt like home.

Best for: Grief, emotional trauma, healing from medical experiences, self-worth, and emotional recovery.

Rhodonite works on the heart chakra, specifically addressing old wounds — those that were never quite healed, or those freshly opened by this life transition. It encourages the kind of compassionate self-healing that comes not from fighting the change but from making peace with it. For women who lost their fertility to illness or surgery, for those who feel the identity of "young woman" slipping away, Rhodonite is an arm around the shoulder and a reminder: all of this pain is also making you more whole.

Hold Rhodonite during difficult moments. Let it witness what you are carrying and help you set it down.

 

🌿 Lepidolite  |  The Anxiety Soother

Lepidolite is sometimes called the "stone of transition" — which makes it almost perfectly designed for menopause. Lavender and soft, it naturally contains traces of lithium, which is associated in holistic traditions with emotional calm and nervous system support.

Best for: Anxiety, panic, emotional overwhelm, mood swings, and the sense that everything is too much.

Lepidolite works on the crown and heart chakras, creating a sense of gentle, steady calm. For women whose menopause experience is dominated by anxiety and emotional volatility, Lepidolite is extraordinarily soothing. It does not numb — it softens. It does not suppress — it supports.

Keep Lepidolite in your pocket or hold it when anxiety peaks. Its quiet energy is remarkable.

 

⚫ Hematite  |  The Grounder

When everything feels like it is shifting — your body, your identity, your sense of where you belong — Hematite brings you back to earth. Heavy, metallic, and magnetic, it is one of the most grounding stones in existence.

Best for: Feeling ungrounded, scattered thinking, fatigue, low confidence, and the overall sense of being untethered from yourself.

Hematite is associated with the root chakra and is said to support healthy blood flow and circulation — both physically and energetically relevant during menopause. It is the stone that says: your feet are still on the ground. You are still here. That is more than enough.

Wear Hematite as a bracelet. Let its weight remind you of your own steadiness.

 

The Three Hardest Battles No One Warns You About

There are symptoms of menopause that doctors mention in passing, that are listed in bullet points on health websites, that we nod at in recognition — hot flashes, mood swings, brain fog — and then there are the ones that hit differently. The ones that feel personal. The ones that make you question not just your body, but your identity.

For me, my sister, and most of my closest girlfriends, three battles stand above the rest. The ones we cry about in private. The ones that deserve to be spoken out loud — and addressed with honesty, compassion, and yes, the right gemstones.

⚖️ Battle One: The Weight That Won’t Move — No Matter What You Do

My sister and I are both intensely athletic women. We have spent our lives moving — diving, swimming, training, pushing our bodies to extraordinary places. We are not strangers to discipline. We are not women who skip workouts or surrender easily. And yet — menopause does not care about any of that.

The weight comes anyway. And it comes to the places that feel most loaded with meaning — the thighs, the hips, the lower belly. The soft curves that our culture has spent decades telling us are the enemy. For women who have always defined part of their identity through physical strength and an athletic body, this particular shift can feel like a profound betrayal.

Here is what is actually happening inside your body: when estrogen levels fall, the body — in its ancient survival wisdom — begins storing fat differently. It shifts fat from the hips and thighs (where it was stored during reproductive years for evolutionary reasons) toward the abdomen and lower body. At the same time, insulin sensitivity decreases, cortisol rises more easily under stress, and the metabolism slows in ways that no amount of extra cardio can fully counteract. This is not a failure of discipline. This is biology doing exactly what it was designed to do — and it is happening to you whether you swim competitively or sit on the couch.

The cruelest part? For athletic women, this hits differently. Because the rest of the world looks at you and says “but you look amazing.” And you want to scream, because you know the difference. You live in this body. You feel it changing in ways that no one else can see from the outside. And no one is validating that it is genuinely, biochemically, stubbornly hard.

A few things actually do help: strength training over cardio (building muscle raises metabolic rate), reducing high-intensity exercise that spikes cortisol, prioritizing protein, reducing inflammatory foods, and — perhaps most importantly — radical self-compassion. The body you are in right now kept you alive through everything you have thrown at it. It deserves something more generous than your contempt.

Gemstones that help: Rose Quartz for dismantling the inner critic and rebuilding your relationship with your body. Citrine for lifting the depression and frustration that comes with metabolic shifts. Carnelian for reigniting the vital, sensual relationship with your physical form. Rhodonite for healing the grief of a body that no longer responds the way it used to. And Hematite to ground you back into your physical self with steadiness rather than judgment.

Your body is not broken. It is transforming. There is a difference.

🌙 Battle Two: When Sleep Becomes a Stranger

My sister was one of those women that people envied for their sleep. Head on the pillow, out within minutes, eight solid hours, up refreshed. Sleep was her superpower. Menopause stole it from her.

This is one of the most underestimated symptoms of menopause — and one of the most damaging in its ripple effects. Poor sleep does not just leave you tired. It amplifies every other symptom: the mood swings get worse, the brain fog deepens, the anxiety rises, the body’s ability to regulate weight is further compromised. Sleep deprivation is a force multiplier for everything else you are already fighting.

Why does this happen? Falling estrogen and progesterone — both of which have natural sedative and temperature-regulating effects — leave the nervous system more alert, more reactive, and more vulnerable to the 3am cortisol spike that wakes you up suddenly and for no apparent reason. Night sweats drench you awake. And even when the physical symptoms are quiet, the mind races — churning through worries, regrets, and the strange specific anxiety that only seems to arrive at 3am.

For athletic women who rely on sleep for physical recovery and mental resilience, this is particularly devastating. You train hard. Your body needs to repair. But instead of the deep, restorative sleep that makes you stronger, you are getting fractured, shallow rest that leaves you flat. And then you train anyway — because that is who you are — and the cortisol spikes further, and the cycle continues.

What helps: a consistent wind-down ritual that signals safety to the nervous system. Cooling the bedroom. Reducing alcohol (which fragments sleep architecture dramatically during menopause). Magnesium glycinate before bed. And creating what I think of as a sleep sanctuary — a small, intentional space around your bed that tells your body: this is safe. You can rest now.

Gemstones for your sleep sanctuary: Amethyst under the pillow or on the nightstand — nature’s tranquilizer, long used for its ability to quiet a racing mind. Lepidolite for its gentle, nervous-system-calming energy. Moonstone to soothe the hormonal surges that wake you at night. Lapis Lazuli to still the mental chatter. And Chrysoprase, one of the lesser-known sleep stones, for deep physical relaxation. Place them intentionally. Touch them before you close your eyes. Let the ritual itself become part of the signal: it is safe to surrender to sleep.

The ocean rests between tides. You are allowed to rest too.

👏 Battle Three: Grieving the Woman You Were — While Becoming Someone Greater

This is the one nobody writes a pamphlet about. The one your doctor does not mention at your annual checkup. The quiet, persistent grief of feeling like the most magnetic version of yourself is receding — and not knowing who is arriving to take her place.

My sister describes it as mourning her “femme fatale.” That magnetic, sensual, electric quality — the way she walked into a room and owned it without trying, the way she felt in her own skin, the ease of being desirable and knowing it. Menopause does not just change the body. It changes the relationship between a woman and her own power. And our culture, which has spent centuries defining feminine power almost entirely through youth and fertility, offers us almost nothing to replace it with.

But here is what I have learned — and what eleven years on the other side of that threshold have shown me. The femme fatale does not disappear. She deepens. The woman you were at 30 was magnetic because of what she radiated outward — youth, fertility, the energy of potential. The woman you are at 47 or 50 is magnetic because of what she has become inwardly — the accumulated weight of everything she has survived, known, built, and released. That is not a lesser kind of power. It is a rarer one.

The grief is real. Do not skip it. You are allowed to mourn the version of yourself who is shifting. But grief and growth are not opposites — they are the same river. You move through the mourning, and on the other side you find a woman who is no longer performing for anyone. Who has stopped shrinking. Who wears her whole history in her posture and her eyes and the way she speaks without apologizing for taking up space. That woman is extraordinary. And she is you, arriving.

Gemstones for this initiation: Rhodonite for sitting with the grief and transforming it. Lapis Lazuli for stepping into the deep well of your own wisdom — the voice that is finally free to speak without performance. Rose Quartz for learning to love the woman in the mirror again, differently and more completely than before. Moonstone for honoring the cycles of womanhood rather than fighting them. And Garnet — always Garnet — for the ferocity of a woman who has been through fire and emerged not diminished but forged.

The femme fatale did not leave. She just stopped asking for permission.

How to Bring These Stones Into Your Life

You do not need to be a crystal practitioner or believe in metaphysics to benefit from working with these stones. What you need is intention. And maybe a little beauty in your day — which, during the harder seasons of life, is not a luxury. It is medicine.

Wear them. The most natural way to work with gemstones is to wear them close to your skin. A Moonstone pendant over your heart. A Carnelian bracelet at your wrist. A Lapis necklace near your throat. This is why I create the jewelry I create — because beauty and intention belong together.

Hold them. Keep a tumblestone in your pocket or your bag. In moments of anxiety, heat, or overwhelm, reach for it. The simple act of holding something grounding can shift your nervous system.

Place them. Put Amethyst or Lepidolite on your nightstand for sleep. Place Rose Quartz on your bathroom mirror as a daily reminder. Create a small altar of your chosen stones where you can see them and return to them.

Meditate with them. Hold your chosen stone in both hands, close your eyes, and simply breathe. Set an intention. Let the stone witness what you are carrying.

Wear them in water. As someone who lives her life in the ocean, I always feel most connected to my stones when I am in water. Many gemstones are safe to wear while swimming — check your specific stone for water safety, but there is something deeply powerful about carrying your intention into the sea.

You Are Not Losing Yourself. You Are Finding Her.

To my sister, who is 47 and just beginning this journey — I see you. To my girlfriends, who are waking up in the night and wondering who they are becoming — I see you. To every woman who has ever felt like menopause was taking something from her:

The ocean does not grieve the tide. It trusts it. It knows that what pulls back returns transformed. And what you are becoming — this wiser, deeper, fiercer, more honest version of yourself — is worth every hot flash and every sleepless night and every tear cried in the bathroom.

I entered menopause at 39 through fire — literal, chemical fire. And I am here at 50, more myself than I have ever been. More grounded. More clear. More free.

Let the stones be your companions. Let them remind you, on the hard days, of your own beauty — not despite this transition, but because of it.

 

The change is not an ending. It is an initiation.

And you are ready.